did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
