i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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