the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
