my shit smells like andre
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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