Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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