I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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