she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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