I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
