I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
