I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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