One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
