Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
