dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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