How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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