why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
