Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
