he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
