Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
