HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
