I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
