i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
