drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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