wat bout pragnant strippers??
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
