she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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