You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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