Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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