he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
