isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
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Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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