I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
