Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
