I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
