I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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