she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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