She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
