Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize