so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
