Swine flu. Run for my life!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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