My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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