Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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