I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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