i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
