How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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