Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Operation Purity has been aborted
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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