Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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