saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
