You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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Best friends brother. Beat that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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