you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude