we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.