see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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