When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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