Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
