I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
