Me. At least after what I've been through.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
