i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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