He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
