I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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