just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
