You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
