Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
