you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
