Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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