considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
