I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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