I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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